Cogitate On This

Another So-Called Life

Archive for March 27, 2008

Bleah

Simple.

    Simple.

Just a phase.

    Take these feelings;

And throw away.

    Think you’re finished?

You’ll pretend?

    Your feelings vanished?

Think again.

    I know your secret.

Your little lie.

    The twisting, aching

Pain inside.

    I know it haunts you.

Day in, day out.

    I know it wants you

To cower and pout.

    Stay buried under

Mountains of grief.

    Begin to plunder

Your mind of relief.

    When good moods go sour,

And bad thoughts creep in;

    I am inside you.

I am within. 

    I will stay wriggling

Like a parasite.

    Taking you over.

Feasting on  life.

    You will fight me.

Some battles won.

    But the war is in question.

Will it ever be done?

    Who am I really?

Who can you blame?

    Who can you point to

And shout out a name?

    There’s no single source.

No single villain.

    So what you must do

If you are willing;

    Is stand up each day.

Breathe in and breathe out.

    And fight through this world.

You’ll figure it out. 

    If you are broken,

Damaged and bruised. 

    No one can fix you

Except you, if you choose.

    I am you.

I will stay.

    Conquer your feelings.

And throw away.

    Simple.

Simple.     

It’s Good To See You Go

Last night on Earth

    In our cozy cave

Last kiss we’ll share

    Nothing left to save

We’ve been through the war 

    Casualties are the proof

Suitcase on the floor

    Makes me face the truth

I watch you pack your clothing

    That slid across your skin

And kept the smell of you I loved

    And at one time kept you hidden

But now I watch you standing there

    I know what lies beneath

I picture every freckle

    Every signature relief

It’s covered now forever

    Forever barred to me

When once it was my heaven

    And you and I were free

You say something and look my way

    That old, familiar gaze

Those eyes that once were so bright

    Are fading into gray

The spark that once began us

    Still lingers in this room

But now we know our journey

    Is one that ends in doom

And when all that I’ve loved

    Has packed and left this place

I bow my head in sadness

    In somber, sore disgrace

I flop myself 

    Onto our bed

The one that years

    Passed overhead

I stare up at the ceiling

    Remembering the nights

When we would talk for hours

    And turn off all the lights

We’d talk til dawn

    The sun would break

We’d smile and kiss

    Ourselves awake

I roll and look

    Out the window

At the empty

    Streets below

Our streets we claimed

    So long ago

And from my view

    I plainly see

Into our bathroom

    Vanity

A single razor

    Perched near mine

Is all you’ve missed

    And left behind

I stand and tears

    Well in my eyes

I walk toward it

    With heavy sighs

I pick it up

    And tears do fall

I cower against

    The shower wall

And from my crouch

    I spot some gray

Some gray cotton

    That’s somewhat frayed

It’s in the trash

    Balled in a pile

A gray t-shirt

    Been there awhile

I hold it up

    I breathe it in

The smell of you

    Remains within

I let my sobs

    Ring on the tile

As I see

    Your loving smile

That loving smile

    I thought would last

Is gone forever

    In the past 

Someday I’ll heal

    I’ll have no hurt

Your smell will vanish

    From this shirt

I’ll look out of my room’s window

    And I’ll think back upon this day

I’ll once again recall the sight

    Of you striding on your way

I’ll smile upon you 

    Then I’ll know

It’s good to see you

    See you go.