Some things can never go back to the way they were.

It’s been almost seven years since little Sarah was killed. I think it’s time she was given a second life.

I’m almost back.

]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/05/17/73/feed/ 0 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/bleah/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/bleah/#comments Thu, 27 Mar 2008 04:30:09 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/bleah/ ]]> Simple.
Simple.

Just a phase.

Take these feelings;

And throw away.

Think you’re finished?

You’ll pretend?

Your feelings vanished?

Think again.

I know your secret.

Your little lie.

The twisting, aching

Pain inside.

I know it haunts you.

Day in, day out.

I know it wants you

To cower and pout.

Stay buried under

Mountains of grief.

Begin to plunder

Your mind of relief.

When good moods go sour,

And bad thoughts creep in;

I am inside you.

I am within. 

I will stay wriggling

Like a parasite.

Taking you over.

Feasting on  life.

You will fight me.

Some battles won.

But the war is in question.

Will it ever be done?

Who am I really?

Who can you blame?

Who can you point to

And shout out a name?

There’s no single source.

No single villain.

So what you must do

If you are willing;

Is stand up each day.

Breathe in and breathe out.

And fight through this world.

You’ll figure it out. 

If you are broken,

Damaged and bruised. 

No one can fix you

Except you, if you choose.

I am you.

I will stay.

Conquer your feelings.

And throw away.

Simple.

Simple.     


]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/bleah/feed/ 0 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/its-good-to-see-you-go/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/its-good-to-see-you-go/#comments Thu, 27 Mar 2008 01:58:05 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/its-good-to-see-you-go/ ]]> Last night on Earth
In our cozy cave

Last kiss we’ll share

Nothing left to save

We’ve been through the war 

Casualties are the proof

Suitcase on the floor

Makes me face the truth

I watch you pack your clothing

That slid across your skin

And kept the smell of you I loved

And at one time kept you hidden

But now I watch you standing there

I know what lies beneath

I picture every freckle

Every signature relief

It’s covered now forever

Forever barred to me

When once it was my heaven

And you and I were free

You say something and look my way

That old, familiar gaze

Those eyes that once were so bright

Are fading into gray

The spark that once began us

Still lingers in this room

But now we know our journey

Is one that ends in doom

And when all that I’ve loved

Has packed and left this place

I bow my head in sadness

In somber, sore disgrace

I flop myself 

Onto our bed

The one that years

Passed overhead

I stare up at the ceiling

Remembering the nights

When we would talk for hours

And turn off all the lights

We’d talk til dawn

The sun would break

We’d smile and kiss

Ourselves awake

I roll and look

Out the window

At the empty

Streets below

Our streets we claimed

So long ago

And from my view

I plainly see

Into our bathroom

Vanity

A single razor

Perched near mine

Is all you’ve missed

And left behind

I stand and tears

Well in my eyes

I walk toward it

With heavy sighs

I pick it up

And tears do fall

I cower against

The shower wall

And from my crouch

I spot some gray

Some gray cotton

That’s somewhat frayed

It’s in the trash

Balled in a pile

A gray t-shirt

Been there awhile

I hold it up

I breathe it in

The smell of you

Remains within

I let my sobs

Ring on the tile

As I see

Your loving smile

That loving smile

I thought would last

Is gone forever

In the past 

Someday I’ll heal

I’ll have no hurt

Your smell will vanish

From this shirt

I’ll look out of my room’s window

And I’ll think back upon this day

I’ll once again recall the sight

Of you striding on your way

I’ll smile upon you 

Then I’ll know

It’s good to see you

See you go.          

]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/its-good-to-see-you-go/feed/ 0 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/take-me-for-granted/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/take-me-for-granted/#comments Wed, 26 Mar 2008 04:25:09 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/?p=63 ]]> take me for granted
use me all up

suck me bone dry

empty this cup

of course I will stay

of course I’ll be there

you have no doubts

that I’ll always care

break me in pieces

tear me to bits

I’m here for the taking

and I’ll take your shit

but push me too hard

ignore me too long

and I’ll finally see

how you felt all along

and in the end

when I am no more

when I’ve either left

or’ve been slain on the floor

you’ll be far away

you’ll quite soon forget

so take me for granted

you’ll see what you get

bitch 


]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/take-me-for-granted/feed/ 0 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/23/dark-dark/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/23/dark-dark/#comments Sun, 23 Mar 2008 21:36:07 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/?p=62 ]]> On a dark, dark street
On a dark, dark night

Stood a dark, dark house

With a dim spark of light

From a second story window

Like candlelight, was red

And through the bottom right-most pane

It faintly creeping, ghostly bled

Up the dark, dark path

Up the dark, dark steps

Through the dark, dark door

With my thin, shallow breaths

I trembled in the foyer

In the crumbling decay

Abandoned, all was hopeless

I should turn and run away

But the dark, dark walls

With their paint-smeared stares

Moaned their dark, deep voices

And led me up the stairs

Up the dark, dark stairs

To a dark corridor

A long dark tunnel

That ended at a door

The dark door stood

Looked at me without fear

Whispered dark, dark words

Whispered for me to come near

So I crept through the dark

Down the dark, dark hall

Every inch was suspense

Every nearing footfall

Then at last I had come

To this dark, dark door

With its ponderous presence

Looming ceiling to the floor

I took no breath

I made no sound

I reached my hand out

And let it wrap around

The knob, it twisted right

With a dark, low scrape

And I pushed and opened wide

Letting light at once escape

For there in the corner

Before the bottom right-most pane

Flickered one single fire

One little flinching flame

It shone in my eyes

In this dark, dark room

And I slowly moved toward it

Through the stale, empty gloom

I stroked the warm air

That haloed round its spark

Then grabbed the dripping candlestick

And held it in the dark

I hold it closely to me

I keep the drafts away

I protect its burning

And in that room I stay

In this dark, dark room

In this dark, dark house

I never let it die

I never put it out

Its lonely little shimmer

Its tiny warming ray

Is my light in the darkness

In this dark, dark place. 


]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/23/dark-dark/feed/ 0 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/16/no-feeling-is-final/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/16/no-feeling-is-final/#comments Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:40:39 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/?p=58 ]]> No feeling is final.  
That’s what my therapist tells me.

Look at the monster in the cage.

Look closely and see who’s there.

It’s only me. 

We’re getting into some heavy stuff in those sessions.

I wish I had someone to tell who would understand.

I wish all my friends had therpists.

They sure need them. 


]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/16/no-feeling-is-final/feed/ 2 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/14/vd-day-lovin/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/14/vd-day-lovin/#comments Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:27:44 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/?p=57 ]]> Alright, folks, it’s Saint Valentine’s Day and I could not be more ecstatic.  Ha.  I am from the camp of people who believe V-Day is just another sham holiday created by shrewd businesspeople wanting to make a buck.  Wait, did I say V-Day?  I meant to say VD-Day, as one of my coworkers accidentally called it today.  Perfect.  Express your love by spreading STDs.  I’ll spread love with words.  Listen up for your name…
Joan- When Ben was five minutes late, I almost wanted to call you.  Several times today, when the phone rang, I almost thought it was you.  When I look at the last schedule you made, and see your handwriting, it’s almost like you’re still here.  We’re going to miss you more than you know.  Who will our next manager be?  Someone not as good as you.

Mom- Why do you still give me rides?  Seriously.  I am such a loser.  My goal is to pass the driver’s test before the month is out.  By your birthday, I want my license.  And on that day, I can give YOU a ride and show you how important you are to me.  You are such a good person and such a good mother.  Don’t ever doubt yourself.  You are my rock.  My rock.  I wouldn’t survive without you.

Dad- You work so hard.  So ridiculously nonstop.  How do you do it?  Really, I want to know, because I need whatever you’ve got.  It’s intelligence, it’s ambition, but it’s also character.  You have the best character out of anyone I know.  And I’m not saying that just because you’re my dad.  You are amazing.  You are the most stable, reliable force in my life.  Thank you.

Andy- Oh my God, boy!  Why didn’t you TELL us that you were Chief Programmer for a really popular website?!  Damn!  Congrats!  You impress me so much with your computer knowledge and initiative.  You are brilliant.  You have the potential to do anything.  Do it.  I know you can.  Listen and hear me.  Write that essay.  You have a kickass vocabulary and are very articulate.  I believe in you.

Brooke- Oh, my Brookie-loo, my chica, I love you.  Even though you are at UGA, getting ready to graduate early, and I am at home, being a starving artist, we are connected.  We just fit.  I really hope we will remain friends for a very long time, because we understand each other.  It’s not often that that happens.  You are like my long lost sister.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so supportive during my nutcase phase (aka now).  I’ll be coming to Athens soon to see you.  You keep me afloat. 

Nick- I miss you everyday.  We used to be like siblings.  Now you are so far away, living this different life, and I really miss the long days and nights we spent together.  Since freaking sixth grade!  You will always be important to me.  We NEED to stay in touch.  I love you like I love sunny days and big hugs (a whole lot).

Pino- You are quite a person.  So very smart, so very sweet, and so very good.  I really admire you for supporting yourself.  That is an impressive feat.  I also completely understand your problems with school.  We’re alike more than you know.  In all the bad ways, haha.  You and my brother are the same person, too.  In the good ways.  I really miss having your comforting presence around.  We need to talk more!  Answer my messages, boy!

Michael Marie- I really wish we had been better friends in high school.  I’m so glad we are getting closer now, though.  You are such an strong, interesting, intelligent person, and you should never think otherwise.  I just think you’re awesome.  :)  Thank you for your kind words and for listening to me when I needed to be heard.  We need to hang out more, even though you are at Berry.  I should come visit you.

Mandy- Girl, we are friends for life, no matter what happens.  I will always support you.  We NEED to hang out more.  I’m here.  Even though we have grown into two very different people, we still have that connection, that bond.  It will never go away.  Really.  I got you, babe.

Kristine (Stini)- My sista from another mista, my Asian lover, my biffle for life; I could not miss you more.  Why can’t we be together?!  It sucks.  Your very presence can brighten my life.  And when you’re not around, all I have are memories.  I want you to know how special you are to me and how much I admire and love you.  I’m coming to the Freddy again next fall, if you’ll have me.

Kaity- You are one in a million.  I love it.  I miss hanging out, talking, going to crazy parties.  Basically, I just think you’re nifty keen and I can’t wait to see you again this fall!  

Jordan- Some days I wonder why I met you.  I was torn away rom you too soon.  You are such a fantastic person and I am SO mad that I can’t be with you.  Your talent and love of writing is something that I really appreciate.  We are the same person, basically.  Keep it up.  I’ll be sure to stay in touch.

Trish (T-licious)- Okay, missy, here it is: you’ve changed me.  You’ve opened my eyes to some of the realities of the world and made me more empathetic and understanding and accepting of differences.  You’re the friend I should’ve had all my life.  You are commanding and confident, sensitive and compassionate, genuine and unapologetically you, hardworking and helpful, funny, deep, ambitious, and good to your core.  I look up to you for wisdom of all kinds and for your unmatched effort at work.  You are a fighter, a dreamer, and a doer, and I love you. Oh, and you make the best frappuccinos ever.

Ben- You’re like a crime-fighting superhero.  Barista Boy will be your name and Tuan, God of Thunder, can be your sidekick.  But forget work.  Forget the band, too.  You, all by yourself, are special.  You’re maddeningly goofy and funny, annoyingly friendly and charismatic, ridiculously unflinchable and confident, obscenely hardworking and benevolent, shockingly thoughtful and deep, and just fucking aggravatingly wonderful to be around.  I hate you.  That’s a lie.  I love you and you are one of my best friends.  Alright, the mushy parade ends here.  See me in person for abuse, disrespect, and undermining of confidence.     

Steve- You’re the absolute sweetest sweetie pie that there ever was!  All the sappy stuff I’ve told you before still is true.  You’re incredibly smart, thoughtful, caring, helpful, ad interesting.  You are rare and precious, like a diamond.  Seriously, NEVER doubt yourself, because you are fabulous and always will be.  Deal with it.  

Jessika- Senorita Madriz, you already know how much I respect your linguistic skills and relate to your passion for design.  You’re living the dream.  School and Starbucks; a match made in Heaven.  Seriously, I think you are a powerful, wonderful person, and I wish I could be as confident and put-together as you are.  I bow down to the barista queen.

Biruk- I’m in love with you.  The end.  You are my idol, working two demanding jobs AND going to school for architecture/engineering.  AND you speak like a bazillion languages.  AND you’re a cutie patoot.  You’re the sweetest person I’ve possibly ever met, and you always make my day happier, even when you’re in your worst mood and your nose is bleeding and you have to put the order away.  You never stop impressing me with not only your hard work, but with your honest-to-goodness kindness.  Thank you so very much.

Amy- When are we going to a metal show?  I can’t wait.  I think you are such a unique and inspiring person.  I love hearing your stories, your music, and working with you, of course.  At work, you are the most diligent, conscientious barista.  But I love when you get crazy most of all.  Never lose your zany side; it’s amazing.  I think you will accomplish great things in your life.

Tuan (God)- You little punk.  I heart you madly.  You are so hardworking and competent, even on days when you feel like killing customers and throwing things.  You make me smile even when you frown.  Keep it up, kid, because you will go far in life, whatever you decide to do.  I only wish I worked with you more.  You make a mean frappuccino.

Anna Marie- I think you’re incredible.  So warm and bubbly and fun and full of life.  You make me giddy every time I work with you.  I think you are an excellent employee and you shouldn’t be down on yourself.  Ever.  Your enthusiasm and energy are just what we need at Starbucks.  I appreciate your kindness and openness with me and I hope that you can forgive me for what happened today.  I really genuinely respect you and love being around you.    


]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/14/vd-day-lovin/feed/ 0 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/13/my-words/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/13/my-words/#comments Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:46:54 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/13/my-words/ ]]> I don’t know how to write.  
I mean, I know the English language.  I know how to form letters into words, words into phrases, phrases into sentences.  I know what it all means.

 But I don’t know how it happens.  How do thoughts, perfectly constructed, enter into my consciousness?  

My words just come, in this unexplainable, unpredictable way.  They come in great floods some days.  

Squeezing, spilling, streaming.  

They overwhelm me.  My emotions in tangible form.  

And some days, they trickle.  

Little droplets that never puddle.  

But even on flood days, they never become an ocean.  An entire work.  

Always rivers leading to nowhere.  

I wish they would.  I wish I had the patience.  I wish I had the control.  The stamina.  

But my words, like my emotions, are as of yet uncontrollable.  

And there’s no knowing what will happen next. 


]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/13/my-words/feed/ 0 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/what-to-do/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/what-to-do/#comments Sun, 10 Feb 2008 23:07:49 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/?p=55 ]]> Do the splits
Do an accent

Do yourself proud

Do him

Draw a portrait

Draw the right conclusions 

Write a letter

Write it off  

Make something unique

Make believe 

Make inquisitions

Master the art of baking birthday cakes

Master your abs

Masturbate

Outdo your coworkers

Outsmart the competition

Outweigh the other options

Tell everyone

Tell no one

Create art out of trash

Create friendship in the face of fear

Spread yourself thin

Spread peanut butter

Spread love

Eat healthily

Eat less

Eat your heart out

Break away

Break your heart

Break a leg

Be a sinner

Be a fool 

Be whatever you want to be

Be happy 

Become 

Ride the subway

Ride on airplanes

Ride off into the sunset

Ride it out

Ride hard

Drive the point home

Drive yourself crazy

Drive a car

Bite your tongue

Bit the bullet

Bite me 

Acquire a new skill

Acquire confidence

Let it be

Let it out

Let yourself make mistakes

Have no fear

Have opinions 

Have a piece

Get going

Get a clue

Get it

Practice everyday

Give it a go

Give yourself a break

Give in 

Play outside

Play pretend

Play around

Play your air guitar 

Stick around

Stick it out

Stick the landing

Stick it to them

Drink up

Capture contentment

Look at the sky

Look for hope

Look inside

Learn as much as possible

Lead your life

Lead the fight

Lead onward

Jump at the chance

Jump for joy

Take risks

Take control

Take the cake

Come down

Come around

Come toward the light

Dare to confront your fears

Dare to be different

Dare to dream 

Don’t conform

Don’t beat yourself up

Don’t do drugs

Please try

Please promise

Please pretty please me

Share your stories

Share your time

Decide who’s in charge

Decide on a place

Deny losers

Try to be strong

Try a new food

Try and stop me

Yell at the top of your lungs 

Cheat no one

Lie never

Steal not 

Sing a song

Dance your dance

Find yourself

Find love

Find happiness

Find out what life is about     


]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/what-to-do/feed/ 0 Hodge http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/clever-title-here/ http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/clever-title-here/#comments Wed, 06 Feb 2008 21:18:04 +0000 Sarah http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/clever-title-here/ ]]> You know who I dislike?  
Hannah Montana (or whatever her real name is).  For the same reasons I dislike the Olson Twins and Britney Spears.  

Girls that are too young that are being asked to sing, dress, act, etc, like bimbos.  It’s disgusting.  

But what do I really dislike about her, beyond the baby whore aspect?  

Her pointlessness.  

Stupid, pointless musicians.  Go on myspace.  More than half of the musicians out there are stupid and pointless.  They serve no purpose other than to make noise, to generate instantaneous feelings that disappear the minute the music dies.  

I can’t talk about this anymore.  It’s making me annoyed.  Just thinking about Tila Tequila is enough.  

Maybe I’ll write a real argument about pointless musicians later…

I voted for the first time yesterday.  Super Tuesday.  

Obama ended up winning for the Democrats in Georgia.  

I voted for Hillary.  She has excellent plans, oodles of experience, and come on, remember Bill?  Remember how happy we were when Bill was in office?  

I don’t really care, actually.  Obama is amazing.  As long as a Democrat wins in November, I’m fine.  

Actually, as long as our country comes out of these dark ages, no matter who is in office, I’m fine. 


]]> http://thehodgeblog.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/clever-title-here/feed/ 0 Hodge